More Babies Prefer Home Birth

ds1
born 02/02/95
6lbs 6 oz.
19 in.  37 weeks
no complications

I was 14 when I met my first husband and decided I was going to marry him.  I’m a pretty strong-willed person and tend to draw things into my life when I’ve decided I really want them.  In this case I wanted him and after a year he proposed to me.  We were engaged for a year and married shortly after my 16th birthday.  I was determined to start my life.  I knew I was ready and that I could do anything.  I was going to prove everyone wrong and I was going to be in control of my life. :-)

I got pregnant shortly after the wedding and initially was thrilled.  Then I started getting depressed.  I was feeling more and more negative and suffering pretty bad morning sickness when my husband did something I will forever be grateful for.  He asked me why I was so upset.  Being forced to try to explain it to him I realized that what was building in me was fear and horror over going to the hospital to give birth.  As my pregnancy progressed I felt more and more trapped and terrified.  When I thought about hospital birth I felt violated.  A specific scenario would enter my mind that filled me with dread (I later found out from my mother that the images were actually a rendition of my own birth).

So when I told my husband this he said “so why don’t you do something about it?  Go to the bookstore and get a book about it or something.”  I realized I could be proactive about it.  I could empower myself.  I got on a public transportation bus the next day (for the first time alone) and went to an alternative book store.

At the bookstore I bought a couple of books about pregnancy.  I don’t recall their names but I’m sure today I see them as fairly mainstream but back then they were an eye-opener.  The most important kernel of information in them was that midwives existed and that people gave birth at home.  As soon as I read it I wondered why it hadn’t occurred to me in the first place!  Societal messages are so insidious you don’t even realize you are following them until you are ready to reject them.

I immediately knew I would birth at home and I started reading all I could about pregnancy and birth.  I became educated very fast and without the threat of the hospital looming over me, and no longer fearing the unknown, my mood improved vastly and my morning sickness abated.

When I was about 5 months along (at the insistence of my mother) I finally got up the courage to call some midwives.  I met with a woman in a nearby city who practiced with an intern and started prenatal care.  My pregnancy was uncomplicated and easy. 

My biggest fear about the birth was that I would tear.  Sex had been painful for me and I didn’t have much confidence in my body’s ability to stretch.  I was also painfully modest and inhibited about my body and managed to go the whole pregnancy without an internal exam.  I had a secret fear there was something wrong with me that would cause me to tear but I couldn’t confess it to the midwives.

About a month before my birth we moved to a city an hour away (driving fast) from my midwives so that my husband could get a better job and we could be in a real apartment.  We had been living in a 20 ft. camping trailer.  I really had no real concept of when I could be giving birth (the books said that most first time moms go over their due dates) and at 37 weeks when I went into labor I had made nearly no preparations.  We had no baby clothes, no diapers and no receiving blankets (I guess my midwife realized how immature I was and brought stuff along with her).  I was making very confident and mature decisions on one hand and not handling life at all on the other.

I was at my mothers house for dinner when my water broke.  I had just eaten a meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and corn.  My lower back had been aching unbearably for days.  Suddenly I felt like I had to pee real bad and as I jumped up to run to the bathroom liquid came pouring out all over everything.  It continued to gush copiously after I got to the bathroom.  I had my mother drive me home (I didn’t have a car or license) and made her leave me there alone (my husband was at work).  I was afraid if I let her come inside she wouldn’t leave and the last thing I wanted was my mother there.

I immediately called my midwife and let her know that my water had broken.  She advised me to call her back in an hour and let her know how things were going.  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I paced a bit and couldn’t settle for being so excited and apprehensive.  A few minutes after talking with the midwife my first contraction hit.  Within half an hour they were 5 minutes part and lasting a full minute.  I knew that was an important benchmark and called my midwife back.  She said she would leave right away and suggested I call my husband home from work.  I had originally assumed it would take a while for a first labor and that my husband could finish his shift before coming home.  But I decided to call him right away and he was able to get a bus home and be there within half an hour.  By the time he got there I was ensconced on my knees in front of the couch with my head in my pillow screaming with contractions coming every couple minutes.  The screams were therapeutic and helped release the tension in my body.  They were the only way I could handle the incredible forces inside me.  There wasn’t much for him to do but sit and watch me with a worried expression on his face.  I didn’t know what he could do to help me and he hadn’t prepared at all.  My entire focus was on what was happening within me and I was not interacting with the outside world. 

By the time my midwife got there I had no break between contractions. I remember clearly the intern midwife laying her hands on my lower back and how cool and sweet they felt.  But  I was in sheer agony.  As soon as one would start to ease off the next would start building.  She asked to check my dilation and  checked with a couple of fingers without asking me to change position (the dilation check was faster and less intrusive than I feared).  She said I was at 9 and that I could try pushing anytime I wanted to.  Being in agony I wanted it over and so decided to give a little push.  As soon as I started pushing the pain ceased entirely.  As long as my muscles were engaged the pin was non-existant. It was like flipping a light switch. You can bet I pushed for all I was worth.  I felt strong and powerful.  Pushing was actually pleasurable and wonderful. The only time I stopped pushing was to take a breath and in that instant the agony came flooding back unbearably.  I pushed non-stop without regard for my contractions, breathing as swiftly as I could between pushing. 

Within just a few minutes he had moved down and started crowning.  That’s when the pain came back.  Not the same pain I was having before but also excruciating and horrible.  I felt like my clitoris was being crushed between two rocks and that I was breaking apart.  If I stopped pushing the contraction pain tore into me, and if I pushed the pain in my vulva was unbearable.

In that moment I felt I couldn’t take it anymore.  I started saying “I can’t” “I can’t.”  The midwives said “yes you can, you can do it!”  and I made the decision that it didn’t matter if I ripped my whole body in half I had to get the baby out and end the pain, I’d deal with the consequences later; and if I died, so be it.

My son was born just 3 hours after my water breaking.  He was alert and screaming and healthy.  I was limp and exhausted and in an altered state of mind. The midwives had my husband cut the cord, applied gentle traction to the umbilical cord and the placenta came out (which also hurt). Then they gave him a newborn exam.  I was frankly a little uninterested in holding him.  I was aware he was there and I wasn’t rejecting him, I was just too altered to be fully present.  The midwives suggested I take a bath and got me settled and then handed him to me in the water.

After a while the midwives packed up and left and we were on our own.  I was very bruised and unable to sit-up straight for about 3 weeks.  I didn’t tear but did have skid marks.  Other than that I recovered well and had no lasting issues.  I felt good about my birth.  I felt confident that I could do it again and much more relaxed about it knowing what to expect.

ds2
Born 04/09/96
6lbs 3 oz.
19 in. 37 weeks
no complications

When my first son was about 5 months old I was so on fire about midwifery that I packed him up and attended a midwifery conference.  I came back excited about babies and conceived my second son that night.  This pregnancy I had no fears or worries.  I felt great about giving birth again and hired a new set of midwives for another home-birth.  The pregnancy was uncomplicated except that when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy my husband left me for a co-worker.  We actually separated at 36 weeks pregnant.  I was about to turn 18, I didn’t have money, a job, a home (we had been evicted because my husband stopped paying the bills) a drivers license or a car.  I was lucky enough to have wonderful friends who gave me a car and asked me to move in with them while I got on my feet.

A week after I moved in I went into labor.   This labor started with very gentle and pleasurable contractions felt vaguely in my sleep early in the morning.  After I got up I didn’t feel them anymore.  I was nervous that I would go into another fast labor and dithered about wether or not to go to my pre-natal appointment schedule for that day.  Eventually I decided to go ahead and go but I had my sister-in-law drive me just in case.  We drove all the way there (about 40 minutes) had a quick visit in which I refused a dilation check (didn’t have an internal exam with this pregnancy either) and went home.  It was a complete waste of time in hindsight.  On the way home I suddenly became obsessed with needing to buy myself a new wallet/purse before we got home.  I HAD to get it done.  We stopped at K-Mart and I tried to find something I liked but I couldn’t make a decision.  Finally I picked one out and gave it to my sister-in-law to pay for since my lower back was hurting real bad from standing and I was starting to worry my water would break in the store.  I went out to the car but it was locked so I sat down in the grass near the car and had a few peaceful moments watching people go by.  I felt a fun sense of unreality and secret glee that I was sitting there about to have a baby and no-one else knew.  I imagined what kind of panic could ensue if they did know.

We went home and as soon as we walked in the door my contractions hit me like a ton of bricks.  Fast and furious they started out close together.  I called the midwives and they flew out the door knowing my history.  This time my SIL was there and my husband was not.  she was more intrusive and took it upon herself to direct my breathing.  I was feeling a bit adrift and went along with it.  She breathed me into a lack of oxygen with my hands turning into claws and feeling like I couldn’t move.  Thankfully the midwives got there and instructed me to breath more slowly and my body unclenched.  My midwife had an intern, an apprentice and another tag-along who came to “help watch my son.”  They all ended up in the room with me which was WAY too many people for me.  Because I didn’t feel assertive enough to send out the midwives I sent out my SIL. Within a few minutes I felt like I had to have a bowel movement.  I insisted I did and the midwives were dubious but I walked down the hall to the bathroom, was unsuccessful and came back.

The head midwife wanted to check my dilation and asked me to lie down on my back for her to do it (I had been on my knees in front of a rocking chair).  It was very uncomfortable for me to lie down but again I wasn’t assertive enough to ask her to check me in my current position.  When she checked me she caused me sharp shooting pain in my vagina and it startled me and I had my first moment of fear wondering if something was wrong.  I tried to express my fears but she wasn’t really listening (or I wasn’t communicating, I still don’t know which).   I got back into my position and as I was at 9 I decided to give a push.  This time I did not get the relief from pushing I had received last time.  I don’t remember it being particularly bad, but it wasn’t as relieving as it had been before.  Pushing was very swift though and crowning was not the issue it had been before.  Right before he crowned my water broke. I pushed him out easily and immediately turned over and grabbed for him.  I put him to my breast and he latched on right away. 

The midwives applied gentle traction to the cord to get the placenta out and put the placenta in a ziplock bag.  I had decided I wanted to wait until I felt ready to cut the cord seeing as it was done earlier than I wished with my first son and I had been too out of it to remember at the time.  This time we had talked about it in advance.  I felt great.  No bruising, no tearing, no stinging when I pee’d.  The only indication I had that I’d just given birth was the baby in my arms.  I got into bed and he was given a newborn exam. 

After a little while the intern asked to cut the cord.  I was surprised so soon and asked her why.  She said it was because she wanted to get home and have dinner.  That comment was super hurtful to me at the time.  I felt like I wasn’t important and wondered how her dinner could possibly compare to my sons umbilical cord in importance but being non-assertive I agreed and it was done.  Soon after they left and I was alone to marvel at my son all night.  By the way, my friends watched my son upstairs while they had guests over for dinner.  I thought it highly amusing to be giving birth in the basement while strangers had dinner upstairs and wondered what they thought about it.  My labor was 1.5 hours from that first strong contraction to birth.  I had strong after-contractions the next morning that were much worse than the labor but tylenol helped them ease off.

dd
05/25/02
7lbs 12oz.
20 in. 38 weeks
no complications

My daughter was a very much planned for baby a few years after marrying my second husband.  I had been reading/talking about unassisted birth for a few years and didn’t plan to hire a midwife at all.  I felt confident and didn’t feel the need to have anyone there.  I preferred to give birth alone and my husband was about as many people as I was willing to allow to be there.

This pregnancy was a lot harder on me than the first two.  I had all-day sickness until about 14 weeks (after not having any morning sickness with my second son) and the last few months I had severe issues with my hands.  I developed pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome (at least that’s what I diagnosed myself with) and was in great amounts of pain. I’ve always been a coper and this was no exception.  Since I knew what the problem was and what would cure it, I just dealt with it.  In hind-sight of course I would have sought help from a professional.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I was unable to put any pressure on my back at all without developing icy, painful numbness in my fingers and going all up my arms.  The only way I could rest was to sit in a hard straight chair with my arms carefully propped up on the arm-rests and wrapped in ace-bandages.  My head and spine had to be straight up and down and believe it or not I learned to sleep in this position. I would wake up several times a night and have to walk around the house shaking out my arms to stop the pain.  My hands were so painful/weak I could barely pick up a glass of water and I had difficulty doing things like wiping after going to the bathroom.  I was very much looking forward to labor but at the same time was hoping my pregnancy would last longer and I could grow a bigger baby. 

I lasted to 38 weeks this time and my labor started in the afternoon with bloody show.  I knew I would be giving birth that night and warned my husband.  After a while I developed a slow but persistent leak.  I sat in my rocking chair with a towel under me knowing labor would begin in earnest soon but not having any noticeable contractions.  I was becoming progressively more uncomfortable and grouchy and eventually made my husband turn off the movie we were watching and set up the birth supplies I had all ready to go.  He was quite grumpy about it because he didn’t believe I would actually have the baby and figured he would be putting it all away the next morning.  I’m not sure why he didn’t believe me seeing as I’d done it a couple times already but I guess he just expected more indication.  He went to sleep on the couch and I happily spent the rest of my labor in the bathroom by myself rocking my hips and belly-dancing. 

This labor was so freeing and so relaxing.  The contractions were totally manageable and not even close to unbearable.  Finally I decided I was super close and better wake my husband up or he’d miss it.  I went to the living room and woke him and immediately I lost my calm space and I was in transition and I could barely stand it.  I was on my knees in front of the couch rocking back and forth, breathing hard and my husband went to get the camera and as he walked back into the room I said “catch your baby!” and she was being born.  LOL it only took a few pushes at most and was not painful at all.  He barely got there and I’m not really sure if she was born into his arms or onto the pad.  I flipped over and grabbed her to my breast and she started nursing right away.  her cord was a lot shorter than the others and it was hard for me to move.  She was born after 2 hours of strong contractions.

Having read a lot about how cord traction isn’t really a good thing and that it could cause problems, I had decided to wait to try to birth the placenta this time instead of having it out within a minute like the first two times.  I didn’t count on how efficient my body is and that it wanted the placenta out and started closing my cervix right away.  By the time I tried to push my placenta out just minutes later it got stuck part-way out.  No amount of pushing could dislodge it.  Because her cord was so short we decided to cut it so I could move better and get out of the pool of blood I was sitting in.  I moved to the bathroom to continue to try to get it out.  My oldest son had a soccer tournament that morning and my husband left to take him to the game and then come back.  I started out standing up, then had to sit on the toilet, then moved to the floor and finally lay down with her on the floor.  She was perfectly happy and content to nurse and sleep but I wasn’t doing so well.  If I’d have had a friend to call I would have had her come over and help me and if I’d hired a midwife I could have called her but I didn’t have anyone to lend a hand and I couldn’t get enough leverage on it to pull it out myself.  My husband was not willing to pull on it.  After about 7 hours of bleeding I gave up and said it was time to go to the hospital.  My biggest concern was for my daughter as I didn’t want her to be admitted.  My husband got her diapered and dressed and into her car-seat.  Then he had to almost carry me to the car.  On the way out my vision blacked-out and then went white.  I knew I had lost too much blood but other than the weakness I felt ok.

At the hospital they got me on a gurney and covered me with the most deliciously hot blanket ever.  I was taken up to the maternity ward immediately and by this time I was feeling alert again.  We stated that we did not want my daughter admitted and she slept in her car-seat the whole time.  An OB came in and I told him my issue and he pulled the placenta out stating it was caught on the cervix (which I already knew)  He also pushed on my cervix afterward to push it back up higher.  The instant it was out, my body was back into good shape.  I felt fine and refused any tests at all and signed out AMA.  I was there for an hour and surprisingly was only charged $100 for the hospital and $100 for the doctor.  At home I felt tired and weak but healthy and was just somewhat disgusted that I had had to transfer for so simple a problem with such a simple solution.  My poor bathroom looked like a slaughter house (carpeted floor) but thankfully it all came up a few days later with a shop Vac, boiling water and copious amounts of hydrogen peroxide.  Within hours I was able to lay down in bed and sleep without hand pain - it was sheer bliss.

I don’t regret my lack of prenatal care as it was a wonderful experience to be so independent.  But I do know that I would have saved myself some grief if I’d be able to call someone to help me out when I encountered an issue in which I needed assistance.